I should have eaten them!!

Once again the phrase " I can see why some wild animals eat their young". My boys make me think of that phrase quite often. I understand (to the best of my knowledge at this very moment) Aaron's problem. What I don't understand is how my oldest son (almost 27) doesn't have very many responsible bones in his body. Over a year ago he was involved in a car wreck. Nobody was hurt but it was his fault. He was issued a traffic ticket for failure to yield. The ticket was not payable for whatever reason so he had to go to court. He did make his court date and was giving his fine plus court cost. When the judge issues your fines he gives you so much time to pay them, usually 3 to 6 months, if they are not paid by that date he sets you must appear in court on that date to show cause as to why it wasn't paid and an extension is usually granted. He failed to pay the ticket plus failed to show up for the show cause hearing. A warrant was issued. He was very aware of this so he made attempts to take care of it by giving me money to hold for him so he could turn himself in and and bond right back out. The bond would have taken care of his fines and it would have been done. He called many times to see if the warrant had been issued but was told for months that there was no warrant. He eventually took back all of the money I was holding for him. Fast forward  to Saturday morning at 5am when he is arrested on a warrant for failure to appear. He spent four days in jail before somebody bailed him out. That someone wasn't  me. He had called me twice asking me to get him out. I flat out refused and told him he had many opportunities to take care of this problem and not spend more than a few hours in a holding cell. You made your choice. His reply to me during the second call was "I wish this had happened before you read your codependent books". UGH!!! Sorry son, that isn't going to work either.

I was informed on Sunday during our visit with Aaron that he has every intention of getting himself moved to another jail by April.

Why didn't I eat them????

A little renewed hope and a mothers struggle with suicide.

Aaron is still in jail. He still continues to work at/with the jail for $0.63 per day. Of the $0.63 per day he makes the county takes half and puts it towards the jail fees he incurred before becoming a state inmate. We continue to visit Aaron every Sunday.

The renewed hope part!
A new drug and alcohol program has started at the jail. I do not know yet what it consist of. Aaron enrolled in the program!!!!




The suicide.
I have debated long and hard about posting this but here goes.
In my post titled "I don't want to have this conversation again" I brought up Aaron's "friend" who had hung himself. A few weeks ago his mother shared her story in our local paper. My heart has absolutely broke for this woman. I won't go into the details of his suicide but I am going to supply the link to the article with the forewarning that it is very graphic about his death.
http://www.courierpress.com/news/2012/feb/04/family-offers-heart-wrenching-look-at-suicide/

My replies (VJ) (Barbara)

So I am not good at getting back to my blog and replying to comments. I can't blame it on a hectic, busy life. I actually have plenty of time to reply to comments but for some reason I balk at replying. I balk most of the time when it comes to leaving comments on other blogs. I have even gone as far as to type a comment to post on a blog only to delete it instead. I have no clue why I do this.

VJ, our conversations are very "normal", or should I say our "normal" for now. After hugs and getting drinks and snacks from the machines we settle in for our 45 minutes of family time. Our conversations are just like a family who might be sitting around the dinner table. One difference would be, we ask how was your week versus how was your day. What have you been up to is always Aaron's question. There are no subjects off limits. Although we have not gone in depth talking about his addiction it has been talked about from time to time. At this stage of the game it seems pointless to continue to rehash that conversation, but at anytime he wants to talk about it that is fine. My "plan" is to not worry about it right now but instead to wait until he has a release date then basically let him know what the rules will be and follow through with them. We have at the very least 10 more months before he will be released. As hard as it is to visit my child in jail I have decided this time that I will just enjoy being able to spend time with him while he is clean. You never know what tomorrow might bring, and honestly, I don't expect him to be clean for very long after he is released.

Barbara, I can completely understand the envious feeling. I have been there done that. Peaceful is right. In jail they are safe, they have a roof over their head, food in their bellies, and clothes on their backs and hopefully no drugs. Of course I say hopefully because Aaron was caught huffing paint in April. Now he wasn't in the main jail but was being kept in the community service center because he was only supposed to be there for a short time as punishment for a positive drug test from drug court. I would hope he learned his lesson since his 30 day stay has now been 10 months so far. He was kicked out of drug court during that 30 day stay and must serve his time.
I hope you didn't take offense to my question of the tattoos being part of codependency.  It definitely wasn't meant to offend anyone. I was already wondering this before I read about anybody else wanting to get a tattoo also. I love my tattoos!! I got my first one 20 years ago this one made number 7. If I had the money there is no telling how many I would have. Mine are all in places that are easy enough to cover up when needed, but also can be publicly shown lol.


Since I never (hardly ever) comment on blogs I want everybody to know that I think about everyone of you each and every day. I pray for you and send you hugs. I cry with you and laugh with you. So just remember I am here I'm just in the background.

An update of nothing

Life continues to be peaceful while Aaron is in jail. The husband and I are enjoying our time together since the other 2 kids have moved out. We are still visiting Aaron on Sundays which have been very pleasant visits. He has been upbeat most of the time. Occasionally whining because the road crew will not be going out until sometime in March. He loves working on the road crew! It's very fitting since he loved having his landscape business. He has always preferred to be outside. We are still looking at release no earlier than December. That suits me just fine. Aaron will have almost a year and a half clean time by then.

My younger brother, also an addict, just got out of jail at the beginning of January. He was part of the first inmates released due to the new early release program going on in the state of Kentucky. Unfortunately we are already taking bets on how long it will be before he goes back in. He has been in and out of jail and prison since he turned 18. He is now 41, the hope of change dwindled long ago. He was in jail this time for 2 years. Two years clean for him. Another brother told me about a conversation they had before he was released. The other brother told him who he was working for, (an addict in recovery and doing good), jailed brothers reply was "well tell him I'm getting out soon and if he needs anything I'll be the go to man". Not a chance in hell that he has changed in those 2 years. We are having a family get together next week in hopes that we will see him once this year.

A couple of weeks ago somebody had posted a picture of a new tattoo they got. When I first seen it I didn't have time to comment and when I went back to comment I couldn't find the post. I couldn't remember who it was either but wanted to comment that I thought it was great and actually had an appointment for a tattoo myself. I seen Barbara's blog today about a tattoo she is wanting to get also. So out of curiosity, does this fall into the codependent category? Not that it matters, my tattoos are part of who I am and there isn't anything anybody could have said to keep me from getting it.

It gets scarier every day

http://www.wlky.com/news/29767314/detail.html#.TsLXu_6s2qQ.facebook

Attitudes

I have been meaning to post for the last two weeks but just couldn't quite get around to it. I have been keeping myself pretty busy lately, enjoying every minute of this new found freedom called empty nest. I'm loving it!! Taking some time to get my house actually organized. Redoing the room my daughter used and making it my "dressing room". The biggest change so far is the 35 lbs I have lost woot woot!! Yep yep, loving it!!!

The reason for this post is Aaron's attitude. Two weeks ago when our visit started everything was great. The last 15 minutes of our visit not so much. If there wasn't a guard along with cameras in the visitation room I swear I would have beat him. I could literally picture holding him down and beating him senseless. So senseless is not the correct word because he doesn't have any sense right now. No I have never beat my kids but dammit I was not there to listen to him having a pity party. I'm so tired of this place he would say. All of the new inmates that come in from some other jail say how bad this place is compared to any place else they have been, he whined. I'm just not sure I want to spend the rest of my time here, he sounded like a kid instead of a grown man. Still not able to accept the consequences of his actions. My reply was harsh and stern. Don't expect me to feel sorry for you because your in jail. You had a choice, you chose to be here instead of out in the world when you made the conscience decision to use. You were given many chances to not be here. This is what you chose. I will not sit here and tell you not to get transferred  to another facility, you do what you feel you need to do. Just remember it's your actions that the parole board is watching. Now to explain the transfer. The only way for Aaron to be moved to another facility is to get into trouble. By doing so it will change his felony class to D, he is currently classed as C. Our county jail is a class C facility. I don't exactly know the differences between class C and class D facilities if there is a difference. So there still seems to be no acceptance. In my heart I know there is no chance of recovery for him at this point in time. I can only hope right now he is quickly accepted into the SAP program and they can open his eyes. It's obvious to me he has not seen the light yet.

Kentucky SAP

I have gotten more details about the SAP (substance abuse program) from Aaron today. He has applied for it. His parole is upon completion of the program. If he is accepted but does not like the terms he can refuse it and continue doing his time. If he is accepted and goes with the program he will be transferred to a different facility. Our county jail is not in the program. I can handle him being moved if it means he is doing the program that will help him out further in his recovery. Yes I still understand that it isn't a guarantee, but I do believe with each rehab attempt recovery odds rise. Aaron has attempted recovery twice, once on his own and again with help. Maybe the third time will be the charm. One can only HOPE!!

A link for more info on Kentucky SAP  http://corrections.ky.gov/reentry/Documents/SAP/SAPPub102011.pdf