I can't get the thoughts in my head straight. They are coming from every direction. I'm really hoping getting them out will help with processing because right now I think I know what it is like in Sybil's head. My thoughts are fighting over which one gets out first.
Me and my husband heard sirens yesterday afternoon, they didn't pass our house, they were very close when they stopped. We are not ambulance chasers normally but ended up hopping in his truck to see were they were out of curiosity. They weren't far, just a few houses away but not in viewing distance from our house because of the way the land lies. We didn't know who lived there, it's rental property and the tenants seem to come and go pretty fast there. The family hasn't been living there for more than a couple of months. We hoped everything was alright and headed back home without any more thought.
My oldest came home from work and told me that our neighbors son W, hung himself from a tree and his kids found him. My first question to him was does he live in the trailer on the hill? He said yes, and all I could do was look at my husband while my heart sank. I'm not sure of his kids ages but they are old enough to be in school. I can't imagine what this family is going through right now. My heart hurts for them. I don't know this family very well, we haven't gotten along very well over the years, but the pain they must be feeling right now has to be tremendous. I don't know W either. With him being older than my kids they weren't best of buds but my boys do know W. I'm stuck on how he can be so damn selfish. I know this isn't how I should look at it but it is one of the thoughts I have had. I also can't get over the fact that he had absolutely no thought of who might find him. This makes me very pissed at him. What those babies had to see. An adult shouldn't have to endure it much less babies. What about the nightmares they may have for years to come? I can't even begin to fathom what might be so wrong in such a young life to make it come to such an abrupt end. I say that but of course being an MOA I know all to well really, which brings up other thoughts. How have we gotten so lucky to still have our 3 kids with us? Another neighbor lost their son because of a car accident. Another although not a close neighbor was arguing with their son on the front porch, he went inside got a gun came back out and shot himself in the head. My brothers friend hung himself 2 weeks ago. It's crazy! Aaron has come so close to death more times than I care to remember and being an addict it's probably more times than I know. I guess it's really not for me to figure out but to learn from.
