I didn't "hear" him

The brother that is. It was years ago, I guess my lack of understanding anything addiction related at that time may be the cause. Or maybe I came up with my own theory about what he meant. It's both actually. Many years ago during a phone conversation, brother was in jail once again and I was the only one still accepting his calls, he told me he broke a window at the jail with his head. Hopefully you don't know this but all of the windows at a jail are not your ordinary window glass. You or I would probably end up in the hospital with a brain injury before the glass broke. I asked why he would do something like that. His reply.... I was trying to get these voices in my head to stop. You hear voices was all I could ask at that point. His reply was something like, yeah, the ones that make me do this stuff. I don't remember where the conversation went from there. I don't remember it continuing on about voices. I have never forgotten that part of the conversation. I always chalked it up to his "inner self". You know the good versus bad in all of us. Our conscious! I let it go. I brought this conversation up when talking to other brothers girlfriend. I was informed that he was most certainly hearing voices. He was diagnosed schizophrenic while in jail. I was so shocked that I didn't even ask how long it had been since he was diagnosed. She told me he had called her after he was put on meds and told her he had never felt so good. At that moment I started feeling like I had let him down. Looking back I truly believe he was asking me for help by telling me. I blew it off. This will definitely change how I will question anything that I am told now. I will question more. I will make sure I am understanding what is being told to me. I am still learning.

Now let me introduce my nephew. He is the son of my youngest brother, I'll refer to him as D. My best description of D is a kid that never stood a chance. I have said that phrase many times now. My best explanation for that phrase comes from this.... I know Aaron's addiction and trouble is not my fault. It didn't come from bad parenting or letting him have to much freedom or not enough freedom. Growing up Aaron had the chance to do good things with his life. With D everything has been stacked against him. Parental, environmental, you name it. I know not all kids in his type of situation do bad things or become addicts but I believe the majority of kids in these types of situations will continue in the path they know. D has been in trouble several times, from burglary to calling in a bomb threat to his school. He was underage so it was all handled in juvenile court. He has been in boot camp several times. He was doing wonderful and had a great outlook while there. He now faces charges of criminal trespass, theft by unlawful taking (anhydrous), and possession of anhydrous with intent to manufacture meth. The last two being felonies. D just turned 18 in April. He is now sitting in jail. There will be no boot camp this time. He is an adult. Now, why to I believe he never had a chance? My baby brother was only 14 when D was born. D lived with his mother and her parents for awhile. Mom pretty much didn't want him. Brother eventually got custody, I think D was around 4 or 5. They lived with brothers mother at that time. As brother got a little older (more mature?) he began working construction. Those jobs would take him around the country, getting paid cash. Brother left D with his grandmother. Brother will even tell you that that was not a good decision, as grandmother let him do as he pleased. Brother also had an on again off again relationship with S. They have been together this way for probably 15 years now, but even when things were good between them, D remained with his grandmother most of the time. Brother and S have 2 kids together, they are 5 and 6. So a couple of months ago I see D and we were talking. We were talking about him having been in some trouble and being on probation. He told me about his PO doing a home visit and while they are sitting in the kitchen talking PO makes a comment about smelling pot. D says yeah, that's probably my grandmother. She seriously couldn't control herself even while a probation officer was in her house. The thing that gets me the most.... PO did nothing about it. D was underage, how can this PO not do anything? I could go on and on about D's upbringing but I think you get the gist of it. Oh and did I mention brother is an alcoholic and also loves his pot?

Aaron continues to do well. Still working in the jail garden. HE has now spent 2 birthdays in jail. As long as he stays out of trouble he should be home for his 23rd. I told him that I would kick his ass if he spent another birthday there. His reply was you can bet I'll be home!!!

The brother.... again!!

Four months and three days! That is how long he managed to stay out of jail this time around. I thought he was doing pretty good. He was living with a woman around his age, versus a pretty young immature girl like usual. Although I hadn't gotten to spend a lot of time with her she seemed to have your head on straight. She is an RN at a mental hospital. I  know she drinks but couldn't tell you how much. He was out of the town where all of the "bad" friends are. Last Saturday they had gone to the younger brothers house to celebrate a birthday. Both of their girlfriends are really good friends. I don't know all of the details. But his charges are.... Fleeing/evading 1st degree, assault 4th degree, burglary 2nd degree, disorderly conduct 1st degree, resisting arrest, and terroristic threatening 3rd degree. They brought in dogs to find him. His mug shot clearly shows he hasn't giving up the drugs. He looks evil. Some of these charges are felonies. I won't be surprised if they hit him with persistent felony offender status. Kentucky has the 3 strike rule but they seem to pick and choose when it is used. He had 3 strikes a long time ago. At 40 I was really hoping he was ready to change his life. Maybe next time!

1 year done.

As of last Saturday, Aaron has been in jail for 1 year. It doesn't seem like it's been a year already, how time is flying by. Aaron said it didn't seem like it had been a year either. He still has at least 8 months to go and that is only if he makes parole, if denied he still has another year.
For the last few weeks Aaron has been telling us about 2 dogs that were being adopted by the jail from an animal rescue here in town. They finally arrived last week and Aaron seems to be enjoying handling one of them.
Aaron is the primary caretaker for Wilson. There is an article in the local paper with a picture of a few inmates with the dogs. Aaron is in this picture. He looks happy!! I'll link the story online if anybody is interested. I wish they had put the picture online also because the quality of the picture in print isn't very good.

Aaron is no longer determined to have himself moved to another jail. There seems to be quite a few positive changes in him over the last month. He is talking about how much he is learning in the work shop. They have been working on several brands of mowers and tractors. They have also planted the garden that will feed the inmates for many months. He was pissed off when he first found out he wouldn't be going back to the mowing crew but has changed his tune now.

http://www.courierpress.com/news/2012/apr/14/no-headline---gl_jail_dogs/
Can anybody tell me why I can never get the text for the link to work? Shouldn't it display the text I want versus the URL I put in? I know I have seen it work the right way on many pages.

Wilson

I was able to take this picture of Wilson on Sunday. He looks like he is taking his guarding job very seriously.


Our annual trip to Vegas is coming up. We leave Sunday and will come back the next Sunday. I am ready to get away. This year I will even call it a vacation instead of a business trip since the "business" part of this trip is only 2 days out of  8.

I should have eaten them!!

Once again the phrase " I can see why some wild animals eat their young". My boys make me think of that phrase quite often. I understand (to the best of my knowledge at this very moment) Aaron's problem. What I don't understand is how my oldest son (almost 27) doesn't have very many responsible bones in his body. Over a year ago he was involved in a car wreck. Nobody was hurt but it was his fault. He was issued a traffic ticket for failure to yield. The ticket was not payable for whatever reason so he had to go to court. He did make his court date and was giving his fine plus court cost. When the judge issues your fines he gives you so much time to pay them, usually 3 to 6 months, if they are not paid by that date he sets you must appear in court on that date to show cause as to why it wasn't paid and an extension is usually granted. He failed to pay the ticket plus failed to show up for the show cause hearing. A warrant was issued. He was very aware of this so he made attempts to take care of it by giving me money to hold for him so he could turn himself in and and bond right back out. The bond would have taken care of his fines and it would have been done. He called many times to see if the warrant had been issued but was told for months that there was no warrant. He eventually took back all of the money I was holding for him. Fast forward  to Saturday morning at 5am when he is arrested on a warrant for failure to appear. He spent four days in jail before somebody bailed him out. That someone wasn't  me. He had called me twice asking me to get him out. I flat out refused and told him he had many opportunities to take care of this problem and not spend more than a few hours in a holding cell. You made your choice. His reply to me during the second call was "I wish this had happened before you read your codependent books". UGH!!! Sorry son, that isn't going to work either.

I was informed on Sunday during our visit with Aaron that he has every intention of getting himself moved to another jail by April.

Why didn't I eat them????

A little renewed hope and a mothers struggle with suicide.

Aaron is still in jail. He still continues to work at/with the jail for $0.63 per day. Of the $0.63 per day he makes the county takes half and puts it towards the jail fees he incurred before becoming a state inmate. We continue to visit Aaron every Sunday.

The renewed hope part!
A new drug and alcohol program has started at the jail. I do not know yet what it consist of. Aaron enrolled in the program!!!!




The suicide.
I have debated long and hard about posting this but here goes.
In my post titled "I don't want to have this conversation again" I brought up Aaron's "friend" who had hung himself. A few weeks ago his mother shared her story in our local paper. My heart has absolutely broke for this woman. I won't go into the details of his suicide but I am going to supply the link to the article with the forewarning that it is very graphic about his death.
http://www.courierpress.com/news/2012/feb/04/family-offers-heart-wrenching-look-at-suicide/

My replies (VJ) (Barbara)

So I am not good at getting back to my blog and replying to comments. I can't blame it on a hectic, busy life. I actually have plenty of time to reply to comments but for some reason I balk at replying. I balk most of the time when it comes to leaving comments on other blogs. I have even gone as far as to type a comment to post on a blog only to delete it instead. I have no clue why I do this.

VJ, our conversations are very "normal", or should I say our "normal" for now. After hugs and getting drinks and snacks from the machines we settle in for our 45 minutes of family time. Our conversations are just like a family who might be sitting around the dinner table. One difference would be, we ask how was your week versus how was your day. What have you been up to is always Aaron's question. There are no subjects off limits. Although we have not gone in depth talking about his addiction it has been talked about from time to time. At this stage of the game it seems pointless to continue to rehash that conversation, but at anytime he wants to talk about it that is fine. My "plan" is to not worry about it right now but instead to wait until he has a release date then basically let him know what the rules will be and follow through with them. We have at the very least 10 more months before he will be released. As hard as it is to visit my child in jail I have decided this time that I will just enjoy being able to spend time with him while he is clean. You never know what tomorrow might bring, and honestly, I don't expect him to be clean for very long after he is released.

Barbara, I can completely understand the envious feeling. I have been there done that. Peaceful is right. In jail they are safe, they have a roof over their head, food in their bellies, and clothes on their backs and hopefully no drugs. Of course I say hopefully because Aaron was caught huffing paint in April. Now he wasn't in the main jail but was being kept in the community service center because he was only supposed to be there for a short time as punishment for a positive drug test from drug court. I would hope he learned his lesson since his 30 day stay has now been 10 months so far. He was kicked out of drug court during that 30 day stay and must serve his time.
I hope you didn't take offense to my question of the tattoos being part of codependency.  It definitely wasn't meant to offend anyone. I was already wondering this before I read about anybody else wanting to get a tattoo also. I love my tattoos!! I got my first one 20 years ago this one made number 7. If I had the money there is no telling how many I would have. Mine are all in places that are easy enough to cover up when needed, but also can be publicly shown lol.


Since I never (hardly ever) comment on blogs I want everybody to know that I think about everyone of you each and every day. I pray for you and send you hugs. I cry with you and laugh with you. So just remember I am here I'm just in the background.

An update of nothing

Life continues to be peaceful while Aaron is in jail. The husband and I are enjoying our time together since the other 2 kids have moved out. We are still visiting Aaron on Sundays which have been very pleasant visits. He has been upbeat most of the time. Occasionally whining because the road crew will not be going out until sometime in March. He loves working on the road crew! It's very fitting since he loved having his landscape business. He has always preferred to be outside. We are still looking at release no earlier than December. That suits me just fine. Aaron will have almost a year and a half clean time by then.

My younger brother, also an addict, just got out of jail at the beginning of January. He was part of the first inmates released due to the new early release program going on in the state of Kentucky. Unfortunately we are already taking bets on how long it will be before he goes back in. He has been in and out of jail and prison since he turned 18. He is now 41, the hope of change dwindled long ago. He was in jail this time for 2 years. Two years clean for him. Another brother told me about a conversation they had before he was released. The other brother told him who he was working for, (an addict in recovery and doing good), jailed brothers reply was "well tell him I'm getting out soon and if he needs anything I'll be the go to man". Not a chance in hell that he has changed in those 2 years. We are having a family get together next week in hopes that we will see him once this year.

A couple of weeks ago somebody had posted a picture of a new tattoo they got. When I first seen it I didn't have time to comment and when I went back to comment I couldn't find the post. I couldn't remember who it was either but wanted to comment that I thought it was great and actually had an appointment for a tattoo myself. I seen Barbara's blog today about a tattoo she is wanting to get also. So out of curiosity, does this fall into the codependent category? Not that it matters, my tattoos are part of who I am and there isn't anything anybody could have said to keep me from getting it.