Baby birds have cut the apron strings

I thought others might enjoy these pictures of a cardinal family that nested in a clematis vine just off of my patio. These pictures were taken over a period of 20 days. It only took 9 days from hatching for the babies to start leaving the nest. I'm hoping my kids took notes!!

6-10 3 stooges

6-20 Larry and Moe

6-22 Larry, Moe and Curly

6-23 always hungry

6-25 growing like weeds

6-27 what a difference 2 days make

6-28 Larry posing

6-29 Larry has let the building

6-29 Curly still hanging around

6-29 Curly considering an adventure

6-29 Larry proudly sitting in a tree

Officially owned by the state

Court today. Aaron's probation has now been revoked, "officially". Probation violation was the cause. The judge asked Aaron to tell her what caused his violation to which he replied out loud, " positive drug screen". He then dropped his head in what looked like shame. That's good or him I do believe. Not that it really helps though. As Aaron was being led out of the courtroom I motioned at him to call me. I wanted to know the details of what actually was going to happen now. I was truly hoping they weren't going to shock probate him. I heard from him with in an hour. Now for the details. Aaron is eligible for parole on July 17th. WTF!!!???!!!! Do I see my peace ending soon? Yes!! I wonder if the parole board will take a recommendation from an MOA?

Can't process it

I can't get the thoughts in my head straight. They are coming from every direction. I'm really hoping getting them out will help with processing because right now I think I know what it is like in Sybil's head. My thoughts are fighting over which one gets out first.
Me and my husband heard sirens yesterday afternoon, they didn't pass our house, they were very close when they stopped. We are not ambulance chasers normally but ended up hopping in his truck to see were they were out of curiosity. They weren't far, just a few houses away but not in viewing distance from our house because of the way the land lies. We didn't know who lived there, it's rental property and the tenants seem to come and go pretty fast there. The family hasn't been living there for more than a couple of months. We hoped everything was alright and headed back home without any more thought.
My oldest came home from work and told me that our neighbors son W, hung himself from a tree and his kids found him. My first question to him was does he live in the trailer on the hill? He said yes, and all I could do was look at my husband while my heart sank. I'm not sure of his kids ages but they are old enough to be in school. I can't imagine what this family is going through right now. My heart hurts for them. I don't know this family very well, we haven't gotten along very well over the years, but the pain they must be feeling right now has to be tremendous. I don't know W either. With him being older than my kids they weren't best of buds but my boys do know W. I'm stuck on how he can be so damn selfish. I know this isn't how I should look at it but it is one of the thoughts I have had. I also can't get over the fact that he had absolutely no thought of who might find him. This makes me very pissed at him. What those babies had to see. An adult shouldn't have to endure it much less babies. What about the nightmares they may have for years to come? I can't even begin to fathom what might be so wrong in such a young life to make it come to such an abrupt end. I say that but of course being an MOA I know all to well really, which brings up other thoughts. How have we gotten so lucky to still have our 3 kids with us? Another neighbor lost their son because of a car accident. Another although not a close neighbor was arguing with their son on the front porch, he went inside got a gun came back out and shot himself in the head. My brothers friend hung himself 2 weeks ago. It's crazy! Aaron has come so close to death more times than I care to remember and being an addict it's probably more times than I know. I guess it's really not for me to figure out but to learn from.

Jail = Peace at home.

I went to see Aaron today. He seems to be doing good considering where he is. His older brother went along also and that always seems to brighten Aaron up. They still haven't brought him into court to sentence him or whatever it is they need to do to get him back into the state system. As of now he has been in jail for almost 2 months on the county side where he shouldn't be. Nothing else to report on him.

Camping without worry. That's what we did last weekend for my husbands birthday. Just the two of us and although it was extremely hot (99 without factoring in humidity) we had a great time.

Tonight, pina colada's and the pool. No kids at home tonight. Peace!!

Choices?

I seen Aaron on Thursday. It was a very uneventful visit. I feel he is depressed, although he has a reason to be considering where he is. He says he doesn't know how long he will be in there yet. He still hasn't been to court. I'm not so sure of all of this because he then says he will be up for parole in August or September, he can't remember which. He then starts talking about trying to go to a halfway house? I ask if they will actually give him another chance at that since he had already been to Friend of Bills and he says Bill's is a recovery house, this is a halfway house for inmates. It's different he says, more controlled environment. He complained about being in jail. He's so tired of this place. I told him he had had a choice he replied with "did I?". Yes Aaron, Yes you did have a choice, be it that you couldn't, wouldn't or whatever word you would like to use the wrong choice was made. Am I wrong here? Doesn't an addict have choices in life also? How can I believe that he didn't have a choice? Hard or easy everybody has the option of choices everyday in there lives. Am I wrong?

What we don't know

We will never know everything our addict has done. I know that I don't want to know. If Aaron ever decides to share of course I will listen even though I know it is going to be hell hearing about that side of his life. In the last few days I have gained some insight on Aaron's addiction. He has been using longer than he has said. No surprise there. Going through his belongings that I picked up from Bill's I found a timeline he created. 

click to enlarge.

In 2000 the timeline begins. His first use of marijuana. It's heart breaking. He was 10. What hurts me even more is I know where he got it. He stole it from me. I now feel the need to explain my own drug use. I have been a causal "smoker" for years. By casual I mean a maybe a couple times a year if that. I am in no way an addict and since I have found out about Aaron's addiction I have not smoked. I have also never tried any other drug. There is a story that goes along with Aaron stealing the pot. It's really not worth going into other than to say, we did bust him out, he confessed, I never dreamed he had actually smoked it. I believed his story. He was only 10.

In Aaron's belongings there are many worksheets that Aaron has completed. Some are from his time at Boulware Mission others are from the drug court program. The following letter he had written to himself shows that he "gets" it. Of course I have to wonder, knowing how conniving an addict can be, does he really "get it" or is he just saying what he knows everybody wants to hear? Tough question and only he knows the true answer.

click to enlarge

For every action there is a reaction

Today I feel pretty good. I got a lot of work accomplished at work today. I have been letting a lot of things slide at work because of Aaron. I have once again been able to let go and be at peace with Aaron being in jail. This was not the case at all on Sunday. I cried Sunday morning when my husband asked me what was wrong. I had periods all day where I struggled not to cry. I wanted ALL of my children with me. I guess it didn't help any that the first holiday Aaron can't be here due to his addiction just happened to be Mothers day.
Mothers day ended with me being very pissed off. I received a phone call at 10:50 pm. It was a "friend" of Aaron's named Seth. He is also an addict in the drug court program that has been back in jail several times also. He called to tell me he wanted to get Aaron something from commissary, the "meal deal", and he could go half. Since he woke me up which in turn pissed me off about all I could manage to tell him was to keep his money. He tried to lay a guilt trip by saying " I told Aaron I would do this because I know what it is like to be hungry in jail and I'm a man of my word". I told him there wasn't anything he could do for Aaron so keep your money. What pisses me off even more is, Aaron had to put him up to this, he called my cell phone. The only way he could have gotten the number was from Aaron. What I don't understand about all of this is what is the true reason. Aaron knew that I was getting his paycheck and putting on the books for him. He would be able to buy his own commissary. I have a feeling Aaron may have snowballed Seth or Seth owed Aaron money. Either way I wasn't playing the game. I had every intention of calling Seth back and talking to him but he is already back in jail himself. I do however think they both need a lesson in actions and reactions. I have the money from Aaron's paycheck. However I have not put it on the books yet. I was going to do this Monday but after receiving the phone call the reaction is..... I'll do it when I'm damn good and ready and not before.