Sunday, September 19, 2010
That didn't go well
I didn't go see Aaron yesterday. I had other things I wanted to do. Of course when his visitation time is almost over and I haven't shown up yet, he calls. He said he wanted to make sure everything was OK. I told him everything was fine and unfortunately where he is at they don't allow phone calls to let you know I'm not coming. He told me that the people from drug court came for his evaluation this past week. They want him to do 14 months of rehab and then 4 months at a halfway house. He was slightly pissed, said his PD has never heard of anybody doing 14 months rehab. He was even more pissed about the 4 months in the halfway house. They told him that since we didn't live in the city that they felt he should be there so he could ride a bike to the court house to meet his drug court requirements. Of course him being pissed about what they are asking of him pissed me off and I put my 2 cents in. I just couldn't take him whining about it. I told him that there is nothing wrong with what they are asking him to do. I also thought the halfway house was a good idea. That would mean that I didn't have to get him back and forth, it would be a lot easier on all of us. He whined some more. So I told him and not nicely that it sure beats the alternative which is jail or six feet under, so take your pick, what will it be for you, if you continue on the path you are on you will die no if, ands, or buts, you will die and death is forever not just 18 months. I then thanked him for getting me upset when I had been having a good day and said that I will not take anymore calls like this one. Now I'm trying not to dwell on it, making plans for today. Today I want to be happy.
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Laura, I started reading your blog recently and I don't comment very often, however I want to commend you for statements to your son. Aaron needed to be told those truths! I happen to know there are rehab programs out there that last 12-24 months. For drug addicts it takes a year of total abstinence before the brain begins to function normally again. If Aaron truly wants to turn his life around, he will enter this program willingly and whole-heartedly. If he would rather continue being an addict, he needs to stay locked up. Also it would be better for both your recoveries if he never moves back home with you. Good luck and focus on yourself.
ReplyDeleteHappiness is a choice. Go for it.
ReplyDeleteDon't fall into the trap of being responsible for getting him to any of his appointments. He needs to work his own recovery program and that includes getting himself to all the appointments required of him.
Residing in another city will be good for him. He'll have to do some growing up and learn how to take care of himself.
Remember, he didn't get you upset. You allowed yourself to get upset because you made the mistake of trying to speak rationally with a person not thinking rationally.
Recovery is sometimes an uncomfortable journey for our addicts. When my son would call and moan he reminded me he didn't want advice or consolation he just wanted someone to listen. Try listening and not saying anything more than "Hmmm, I'm sure you'll work this out" or "It sure sucks to be you". That one always gave my son reason to reflect.
Detach. I think it's Chapter 5 in "Co-Dependent No More". I pretty much have ever sentence underlined or highlighted. Be sure to read it before he gets released.
The addiction behavior doesn't immediately end just becauce he's in a recovery program.
God Bless
yaya,
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately I only got thru chapter 4 before this phone call, but just from reading the blogs I knew I was handling it wrong. Although I agree with kimtmeyer1 that he needed to hear these truths, this just wasn't the way he needed to hear them.
Today I brought my book to work. Today chapter 5.
You go Girl! Chapter 5!!!!! Be sure to post your thoughts on the book. I'll look forward to hearing what you think.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless