St. Maximilian Kolbe

I picked up the medal yesterday. The picture really doesn't do it justice. The woman working at the store was very helpful. I told her I had seen her advertisement as a sign to get the medal. She thought it was great. Sadly she is in the same boat as us. Her 25 year old son is an addict. She said she wishes he would go into rehab but he has never wanted to try any type of help at all. 

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Thanks to all of you that replied with your opinions. Although I seen the ad as a sign I don't think I would have bought the medal without your positive opinions. Now to get it blessed.

I need opinions!!

While I was doing some online Christmas shopping I came across a St. Christopher medal. Seeing the medal made me look up saints out of curiosity. Yes, there is a patron saint of addiction. St Maximilian Kolbe. Of course the thought of getting Aaron a medal for Christmas popped into my head. I have played with the idea back and forth. I've really been unsure about getting him one. I think that it would make a nice gift but then I think I might be pushing the fact that he is an addict down his throat. Today I went to lunch with my husband at a favorite Chinese restaurant. At several of the local restaurants they have TV screens mounted in various places with local business advertisements flashing on the screen. This particular restaurant also has them. During lunch between chatting and eating I look up just in time to see an advertisement for a bookstore in a neighboring town. The name of the bookstore happens to be Saint Maximilian Kolbe Catholic Books and Gifts. So I say to my husband, wow, that is really weird and explain to him about the medal and what I just saw. Is it a sign that I should get him the medal? I think so, but I'm still unsure and would really like your opinions on this one.

Fear has subsided.

Within a few hours of my last post, worrying about Aaron, he called. It usually happens that way.
He got a 10 hour pass to come home for thanksgiving. I had all 3 kids with me for the day and it was so nice. Since my husband had to work I didn't cook the usual big dinner. We decided to try a buffet. That was a big mistake. It seems everybody else in town had the same idea.
Aaron was telling us some of the day to day operations of the place he is at. According to him the "residents" are divided into teams for kitchen duty. He said they had been having fish and chicken and some other nice meals but when it came to his teams turn they had hot dogs and mac and cheese. We had to laugh at the way Aaron told it. I know Aaron can cook a little more than that, but he loves mac and cheese.

Aaron called last night. It's always great to talk to him. I really do miss him. They had just gotten back from church. They had gone to a pentecostal church which was a new experience for him "it was different" he said.
He graduates to the next level sometime next week. As a reward he will get a 24 hour pass. He also stated that they have really opened his eyes. I hope that he keeps them open and fully sees everything that he has done and needs to do to become the man that I know he can be. He will get a 24 hour pass for Christmas also.

It is amazing how the fear subsided after talking to him and finding out in his words, "the place isn't to bad"!

Rehab brings new worries.

The codependent in me is struggling I guess. I would like to believe it's just the mom in me but I know it's not.
We picked Aaron up last Monday at the jail. It felt so good to be able to hug him. I had biscuits and gravy from his favorite diner waiting for him. He got a tattoo while in jail. I wish he hadn't. He had told me on our last visit that he was thinking about getting one. I tried to talk him out of it, asked him to please him not do it here. I have nothing against tattoos, Aaron knows this, I have several myself. I just didn't want him to get it in jail. I told him I would take him somewhere and even pay for it if he just wouldn't get it while in jail. Of course I was pretty sure it was already to late. It was, he was just preparing me. The look on his face was priceless when his brother asked to see his new tattoo. He looked at me with an "oh shit" look. His brother told him I was already pretty sure he had gotten it when he told me he was thinking about it.
When we dropped Aaron off at the mission, it was so wonderful. The feeling that my son is getting the help he truly needs. He even called me on Tuesday to let me know that the place isn't to bad. He slept really well, had a  normal twin bed, although that would be changing to bunks with mats similar to what the jail has. He also let me know that he gets to come home for thanksgiving. He didn't know any details of the time frame. I told him to call me and let me know as soon as he found out so I knew how to plan cooking. This is where the worry has now crept back into my life. It's probably just crazy thinking really. Aaron has not called back yet. Something Aaron said sticks in my mind. A worry he has about going back to jail over somebodies mistake in paperwork or something. Since he hasn't called my brain has decided to think about different scenarios. What if he is back in jail, his worry became reality. Then I start thinking about the fact that he could just walk off from that place at anytime. I know this is crazy. I know I shouldn't worry like this.
Repeat after me.... It's time to let go... it will be OK!!

Our new journey begins Monday

I received a phone call today from a woman with drug court. On Monday November 15th Aaron will "officially" begin his trip down recovery road. I am to pick him up at the jail at 8:30am and he has to be at the rehab center by 10:00am. Plenty of time.
According to their requirements, he is required to have an AA book or $7 to buy one. He is also required to have $25 for spending money. I guess I should have asked her what would happen if I choose not to give him these things.
I am so excited right now. I've had to hold back the tears. I just want to bawl like a baby. Happy tears of course.

WTF!!

I'm so pissed because I'm so tired. I was sleeping so good last night when my cell phone rang. The caller on the other end was completely unaware of calling me. I listened, according to my phone, for 4 minutes to the conversation on the other end. It wasn't long into their conversation that I knew who it was. It was one of Aaron's dealers. I can't remember if I have said anything about "Bluesman" in a previous post or not, so long story short, he had been a customer of mine for years, at one point he even worked for me. At some point, after he was fired and before I knew Aaron was an addict, he sold Aaron drugs. Going by phone records I'm pretty sure he had sold Aaron some of the drugs he took the night he almost died. He also had sold drugs to my older son, who thankfully, as bad as that sounds, was only using recreationally and not addicted. When I realized who it was I hollered into the phone trying to get his attention. He didn't hear me. I have had a few conversations with bluesman. Usually when I seen his number in the phone records. I asked him how he could show me so much disrespect. I employed him when he needed extra money for his kids (supposedly). How could he disrespect me in that way? Sell my kids drugs? How dare you? I told him that everything I knew I was sharing with the police. It all fell on deaf ears. In a conversation with Aaron after talking to blues, Aaron stated he was just seeing how he was doing. Blues was worried about him. I couldn't convince Aaron he was only concerned with getting  money from him. There was no genuine concern. That too fell on deaf ears.
I am assuming my number is in blues address book on his phone. That seems to be the only way he could have accidentally called my phone. After hanging up I called his phone back. He wouldn't answer. I'm also assuming I'm listed as Aaron's mom so he knows not to answer it. Of course sleep was nowhere to be found afterwards. My mind started replaying a lot of things. I really wish it hadn't. Today I really want to call blues again, but I won't, I promise.

They can't seem to leave it alone.

I went to visitation Sunday with Aaron. He seems to be getting more depressed as time goes on. It seems things keep changing with drug court. They have now decided since he owes restitution, he will not go to rehab for the ordered 12 to 16 months. He will instead go to a 3 month rehab because he will get a job sooner and be able to pay the restitution sooner. The problem being.... the waiting list for this place is so long that Aaron can't be added to it at this time. It may be a couple of months before they can add him. I totally agree with Aaron paying restitution, but, where is the consideration that with long term treatment he has a better chance of staying clean versus short term treatment. It really pisses me off. He needs longer. He didn't just now become addicted. He has been addicted for probably close to two years now. To me it doesn't seem that 3 months can even come close to touching what Aaron (or any other addict) needs as far as "learning" to stay clean. Maybe I'm wrong. I sure hope I am, but my gut says I'm not. 

Aaron also informed me the court has lost his paperwork. He had to re-sign his guilty plea. He has his mind set he will end up back in jail after all is said and done because of a court screw up. I really hated to tell him there is always that possibility.

In my last post I mentioned packing a bag for Aaron and keeping it in my trunk. I guess it wasn't clear in that post, but when the bed becomes available they will not take Aaron to rehab. He will be let out of jail and given a certain amount of time to get to rehab. His first chance at failure is right up front. Of course when this happens he will call me and right or wrong I will be there.