Where to start?

I have no clue since I don't know when or where it all started. It's amazing how easy it is to hide addiction. Even when it almost kills you, it can still be hidden.

July 3rd 2009 4:54 am:
Brylee calls sounding like she is laughing wildy. Was I ever wrong, she was crying, sobbing, I keep asking her what is wrong but can't understand what she is saying. I finally hear I need you. I'm still trying to find out what is wrong. "Aaron", what is wrong with Aaron, I really thought she was going to say they had gotten into an arguement and he had hit her. Even though he is not a hands on person it was all I could think may have happened.
"What about Aaron?"
"he's not breathing"
"call 911"
"They're already here"
"is he breathing?"
"I don't know"
"find out"
"I can't, I can't go in there, Shane is there"
"Get Shane"
"I can't"
"Brylee, get Shane"
"He's holding a lamp up for the paramedics to see"
"give him the phone brylee"
"IS HE BREATHING?"
"a little bit"
"we are on our way, call me if they leave with him before I get there so I know which direction to take"
A block from home I'm told they are taking him now so we head straight to the hospital.
We beat them, I can't believe they are not here yet. Oh my god what has happened to my child!!
Finally the kids are here. I want to know what happened.
It all comes down to partying a little to much. Alcohol, drugs, vomiting while passed out. He has aspirated. Shane heard a funny noise and went to check on Aaron, he was laying mostly on the floor with his legs on the bed. He wasn't breathing. Shane did CPR on him the best he could. I'll find out months later when I see the 911 call on my cell phone bill that he did CPR for about 25 minutes because Brylee couldn't tell 911 where she was, she was house sitting and didn't know the address and since she was on Aarons cell phone there was no address to capture from the call.

They were taking methadone, or so they thought, I find out later that Aaron didn't test positive for it.
The ER Dr talks to us, they are doing everything they can for him, trying to get his lungs cleaned out, they are still breathing for him. God please help.

I have the boys calling everybody they know. Tell everybody to pray for Aaron. It's all we can do.
I want my mom. She's on her way.
Why did the worker have to yell down the hallway to another person trying to check into the ER?  There is no excuse for what I heard.
"Somebody will be with you as soon as they can, we have a guy dying back here!"
That guy is my son, why did he say it? I know what's going on, I didn't need to hear it hollered in the ER.
I wanted to hit him so bad. Uncalled for.
The waiting is so unbearable. I don't know how much time has gone by since I got the call, It seems time has stopped or something, how can i be here in this ER with this going on?
Finally the Dr again, they are still working on him, his heart did stop but we got it back. He's not getting enough oxygen to keep his heart going, we are getting him on a ventilator. His lungs are still pretty full.
More waiting now. I want to see him, I have to see that he is still alive. It seems like it takes forever before somebody says 2 people can go back to see him. I have Shane go with me so he can see that Aaron is still here too. He is the reason why Aaron is still here. I have no doubt that Aaron would be gone if Shane had not been at that house.

I won't go into all the detail of the next week, I can't, the days ran together I can't remember for sure what happened on what days anymore. It's been a little over a year now so some things have faded. But it comes down to this.

Kept in a coma, Dr says that only the bottom part of one lung is able to exchange oxygen. Vent setting are as high as they can go, Oxygen level is good right now. Lungs are covered with a film because of the pills that were still in his stomach when he aspirated. They will keep him sedated for probably a couple of days so he can heal, they will breath for him. Nobody knows about brain damage, he is not doing anything that make them suspect brain damage, getting a CT scan now so if there is damage they will see it on CT at a later date.

July 4th 2009

Paralyzed but no longer sedated. He can hear you, everybody make sure you talk to him, tell him to fight!

You can do this Aaron, I know you can. I love you. I would later find out he told his brother that he was aware of everybody that was there. It was like that movie. He could hear us. He tryed to let us know he was there, we knew it already, he shed a tear. Don't cry, everythings going to be ok, your healing, relax and let your body do what it needs to. I need to find out the name of that movie.

July 5th 2009
It's early still, nurse says they are letting him come around. Would you like to see him? Dumb question of the year award right there. He's still coming off of the drugs. He wants to m ove so bad, he's getting there. Give it time Aaron, the drugs have to wear off, just relax, give it time. Very short visit. Of course we are visiting as often as allowed. No signs of brain damage. Thank you god!

July 6th
We are going to take out the vent. He's doing great. He's come a long way quickly. Probably has permanent lung damage but is young and probably won't be affected by it until around 50.

July 10th
He's home. A lot more happened, I don't want to try to remember it all right now. He's home.

Sometime in Jan 2010
Things are missing, alot of things. Pawn tickets are in Aarons truck. I tell him he's an addict, he says he's not. Pay for all of our stuff, except my rings, they are gone, melted, he sold them not pawned.

May 2010
Things are missing again. I tell Aaron to leave, I can't do this anymore.

End of May 2010
Aaron wants to come home, has no place to go, has to be out of the hotel today and his boss didn't pay him, can't make the truck payment either.

June 1st
Aarons 20th Birthday.

June 6th
We have a get together for Aaron, Shane and Garry. They all had birthdays this past week, one big cake. Aaron is acting funny towards evening. We think he shot up. He denies it. Took him to the ER. Blood test is $180 up front. I don't have it.

Sometime after June 6th
Maura calls to see how Aaron is doing. She has things missing from her house. Jared is in Jail so it couldn't have been him. Hoping it's not Aaron.
Cops want to talk to him.
It was Aaron, Maura refuses to press charges. Now wait for the state to pick it up.
Aaron is arrested for shoplifting, spends 4 days there. Stole a can of starting fluid. Says it was becuase his truck wouldn't start. I think different.

July 3rd
Went to Pams for early 4th. Aaron spent quality time with everybody. Seemed straight. I sure hope so.

July 7th
Aaron helps me at work. We had a good time, Laughed and cut up alot. I thought he was straight. He wasn't.

July 8th
I get a text from Aaron.
" I'm going to jail went in buggs garage can you bring me some whites"
I called his phone to see what was going on. Asked him if he was at home, he said no I'm in the back of a police car. "what happened?" "I went into Buggs garage and took somethings because he didn't pay me".
I find out he went there twice then sold the stuff to green street flea market. He's now looking at a felony.

After july 8th
Going through Aarons truck and room I find things I didn't want to find but knew I would. Needles, spoons, things that I know don't belong to Aaron.
Notices from the bad check division. At least 8 bad checks. He wrote them while he was out of the house. I read his journal. He did it for drugs, he had thought of overdosing. What can I do, I can't help my son.
I had to change his cell phone number. I kept getting texts for drug deals. I let Shane answer some of the calls. They had drugs too. I have given names and numbers to a narcotics officer.

August- begining
He's been to court a few different times. Got a public defender.

August- middle
Charges for 2 of the checks have been added. A few days later the burglary charge from the state is added.
He stole from Maura on his birthday.

August 23rd.
Here I sit trying to figure out how to put all of this into words. I never was good at expressing myself in writing, but it doesn't matter. I don't really care if anybody reads this. It is my therapy for me. I have talked to people about it, but they are like me. They haven't experienced it, addiction,  either so they can't help. That's what make this so hard. I'm MOM, I'm the fixer. I can put a bandaid on it, I can kiss it, I can clean it, I can guide, cook, give love, hugs and everything else in between, but, I can't fix this. I want to fix it so bad but Aaron is the only one that can fix it. I have told him this so many times. I remind him that fix is not the right word. YOU ARE NOT BROKEN, you have a disease, but it is a disease that I can do nothing about. There is no cure. There is no quick trip to the Dr for some medicine. Medicine is the cause right now. Aaron is addicted to prescription pills. Maybe meth too. I don't know. I didn't know drugs were so easy to get. Apparently if you have some money you can find whatever you can afford. Aaron's drugs of choice had been Oxycontin and lortab. He's a junkie. How did life come to this? I'm visiting my youngest child in jail. Because he will do whatever it takes to get money to supply his habit.

I'll start fresh tomorrow. I thought I might as well go ahead and catch up to today while i'm here. I plan for this to become my daily (or almost daily) outlet.

Aaron goes to court tomorrow. I still have to find out what time.