Monday, August 30, 2010
Had a great weekend!
We really enjoyed Nashville this weekend. Didn't do a lot but that didn't matter. Stress was not there. I made it a point, although i failed a couple of times, to not think or talk about Aaron. I really needed to do that. I need to learn that my life (our life) can't revolve around him. I guess I have already learned that, I just need to follow it. That is quite a bit harder to do. He is still my child who I want to stand behind and let him know that I am here for him. That is ok to do in my book. From other things I have read I get the feeling that I'm not supposed to do it. One step at a time. I'll get there. Codependancy is confusing. You can't do that you can't do this, but I don't yet know what this and that are. That's not quite true either, I know I need to say NO to Aaron, I have definately gotten better at it. Some day I will master it. Court coming up on Wednesday and Thursday.
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Saying no, it is a learned response. Our natural instinct is to allow no pain in our children's life but addiction is a messed up disease.
ReplyDeleteStay strong and lean on others in the same situation.
You are much farther along at this stage than I was with my son's addiction at the point you are at (he is now 22). I hear in your comments that deep down you understand "You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it." (The 3 C's)
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone. It is difficult when you feel that your friends don't/can't understand. I think that is what is beneficial about this blogging community. Many are exactly where you are, or have been there before. Most have hope that their addicts can recover; and everyone is learning something about codependency and how to continue to love your addict while letting them live their own lives and make their own decisions.
You will be in my thoughts and my prayers. I hope that knowing you are not alone in this horrible world of addiction will give you some peace.
I'm really sorry you are now in the 'club'. we all hate being in it. but we are, and our kids are addicts and it is what it is.
ReplyDeleteoh. my blog is by invitation only. if you want to be invited, email me at fractalmom1@gmail.com and I will send you an invite.
ReplyDeletethat being said however, I am over 11 years down the road of my kid is an addict, my daughter is now 31 years old, has three kids two of whom I took away from her. my blog is blunt, harsh and sometimes hard to read.
so, read it at your own risk, take what you need and ignore the rest.
dawn
what a crappy club to be in. i think there are only a few clubs that we are not asked to join... this is one of them.
ReplyDeletethe other is addiction, i was never asked.
now i am in both..
you are loved
Brother Frankie
A great book on Codependency is called "Codependency No More." Get it. Read it. Do the worksheets included and seriously ponder all that this book is asking. It is a good tool for learning about and fighting codependency.
ReplyDelete