Life continues forward

I don't know what I would do if it wasn't for this little boy in my life. He has been my saving grace. He is now 19 months old, has started speech therapy because he isn't talking but is catching onto sign language quickly! He's starting to look more like his mommy. I could go on and on but I'll spare you!

Aaron
Several months ago I caught him buying Kratom. Using is using even if it can be bought legally. I won't even get into all of the details of that day. I believe he has stopped using now. He is still in the drug court program and has moved into the Friends of Bill house. He is working and paying his own way. We don't see him much as he has changed jobs and now works third shift. I think it works for all of us.

The unbearable pain.

A parent shouldn't have to bury their child. It's not supposed to work this way. 

My beautiful daughter.

4/15/86 - 6/11/16

Where to start

Let's start with the vacation.
We came home on Sunday from a wonderful family vacation. For 9 days we were able to escape reality, for the most part anyway. Of course there had to be reminders on occasion. We went to Florida. Had a beautiful beach house on St. George Island. The ocean was less than 50 yards from the back door. The sunrises were absolutely amazing. I sat on the deck every morning watching the sun rise. Feeling the warmth on my face while listening to the waves crash on the beach. If you have ever seen the movie City of Angels then you know the scene when Seth falls. When he "feels" the sun for the first time. Yeah, that was me every morning. Let's not forget the sunsets, the sunsets were works of art. There isn't one thing I would change about our vacation, except, I wish it hadn't ended.

Aaron
He has been in jail now for 9 months. He will get out on the 15th. His attitude about drug court is completely different this time. I'm taking it as a good sign. He isn't dwelling on it like he did last time. He isn't constantly saying the program sets you up for failure. This time he doesn't talk about it much. He has however made a huge statement. In the years the drug court program has been in our town, nobody has completed the 18 month program without being sent back to jail as a punishment for one thing or another. Aaron has set a goal of being the first to do that.  I will keep the faith that he will accomplish this goal.

Wyatt
In 10 days the little 2 pound 3 ounce miracle baby will be 1. It seems impossible that a year has gone by already. How does that even happen so fast? So what can I say about Wyatt? Well of course like any other grandparent I could go on and on about him all day but instead I will just park a little video right here and spare everybody.

Click here for video because it won't let me do what I want.

Tasha

She's one tough little momma, but life has been taking a toll on her. Physically and mentally. She started having gall bladder attacks during the vacation. Of course we didn't know if it was gall bladder or the cancer causing her problems. She ended up in the ER Sunday a few hours after we got home. On Monday they removed her gall bladder and she was discharged on Tuesday evening. 

She has been fighting this dragon for over a year now. Seven kinds of chemo have not done what they are supposed to do. The dragon continues to take over. It has invaded her liver. We have known it was on her liver since March. Her liver enzymes are extremely high. The surgeon that removed her gall bladder said her liver is hard. He had a tough time working around it to get the gall bladder out. He also took pictures and gave them to me to take to her oncologist. 

New treatment

There aren't any other chemo options left. She has now started immunotherapy. She had her first treatment on Wednesday. If you have heard about former President Carter and the treatment of his cancer, this is the treatment she is now on. We hope and pray this works. 

The surprise

Tasha and her husband have been married over a year now. They were married at the court house with a judge and no family or friends involved. We surprised her with renewal ceremony while on vacation. 

The officiant

That is her big brother Shane. He became ordained just for this moment. 

Devastating news

The chemo has not done the job that it was supposed to do. The cancer has grown and spread into her breast bone. She is being referred to the University of Louisville in hopes of getting her into a clinical trial.

Sentence

10 years. 10 years will hang over his head as he once again has been accepted into drug court. He will do 6 months first. His time starts Monday.

Sentencing coming soon

Aaron had been offered a plea agreement of 33 years. He turned it down. Friday he was interviewed for drug court. Friday afternoon my husband was contacted by the drug court rep. He was asked to confirm that Aaron is an addict and if he felt Aaron could complete drug court. Of course his answers were in Aarons favor. I wish she had called me instead. If Aaron is accepted into drug court he could be out in as little as 3 months. He has been in jail for 3 months now. I for one feel he should be in jail longer than 6 months. I know everybody says jail is not the place for an addict that rehab is what they need. I agree with that also but I also feel Aaron should serve some time for the crimes he committed. I don't feel 6 moths is enough time. I feel he should do a minimum of 2 years. My thinking process right now tells me that 6 months is nothing more than a slap on the wrist. It's only 6 months of clean time before putting him back on the streets. I think, for Aaron anyway, he would benefit more by having  more punishment and more clean time before doing the drug court program. He has already been in drug court once.  He did 6 months. Was put back on the streets. Used immediately. He was kicked out. I might sound extremely selfish right now but the peace that comes with him being in jail, I'm not ready to lose that peace yet.


Tasha update
She only has 2 more chemo treatments left. Once that is complete another PET scan will be done. If the cancer that came back after surgery is still seen on the scan she will have surgery again followed by radiation. If they don't show up then she will go on to radiation. Of course that is subject to change as we move forward. Otherwise she's doing great!

Wyatt update

He's 5 1/2 months now and over 14 lbs. Smiling and cooing! Growing like a weed. His last Dr. appointment he actually made it onto the percentile chart for size. I can't get enough of this little boy!!!

Wyatt 11-1-2015

Daddy, mommy and Wyatt 11-1-2015

Blah blah, repeat, Blah blah and then the good stuff

Aaron

Six felonies so far. Two possession of a firearm by a convicted felon charges, one burglary 2nd, one burglary 3rd, one receiving stolen property (firearm) and one theft by unlawful taking over $500. Possession of a firearm carries a ten year sentence, burglary carries five.

I went to visit him yesterday for the first time. It's always the hardest. I waited to visit so he would have finished going thru withdrawal and to give him an idea of what it's gong to be like in jail without your family visiting every week like we did last time. He is not mad that I called the sheriff and called it a blessing. Although calling and reporting him breaking into our house, along with the proof in text messages, was one of the hardest days in my life, I feel no guilt or remorse for making the call. I wish I had done it long ago. He will be indicted next month. I have not went to any of his court proceedings. I will admit I have wanted to. 

Tasha

Chemo had to be stopped because it was killing the cancer but taking her skin with it. She had a double mastectomy in July. In the few weeks between stopping chemo and having the surgery the cancer almost doubled in size. They did however get all of the cancer!!! They removed 21 lymph nodes on her left side. Cancer was found in 6 of the 21. Chemo restarts this week. It will take 12 weeks to finish the chemo and then she will have 5 weeks of radiation five times a week. At that point the hope is to be deemed cancer free. Her oncologist balked at calling her cancer free after the surgery because although the PET scan showed no cancer anywhere else in her body she couldn't say there wasn't any microscopic cancer floating around in her. The chemo and radiation is  meant to take of that if there is.

Wyatt

He's growing like a weed!!! He is now 3 1/2 months old. I'm sure he is well over 9 pounds now. His last weigh in he was 8.7. That was two weeks ago. He's putting the weight on quickly going from 6.11 to 8.1 in the two weeks previous. There were only 2 days between the 8.1 and the 8.7. He's making up for lost time lol! Truth be told.... I can't get enough of this little boy! I can't stop kissing on him when I hold him. The "real" smiles are starting to happen more often. He is an extremely good baby, pretty laid back. 

And the best for last!!!!

Tasha and Wyatt now live across the street from me!!

Full circle

Aaron was arrested last night. Burglary 2nd degree and possession of a firearm by a convicted felon. The hardest day in my life so far is the day I called 911 to report a break in at my house with proof that Aaron did it. The grieving process has started all over again. Because life hasn't been hard enough lately.

Nana's boy

He may be growing a little slower than a weed but growing he is. Two days shy of being 3 weeks old and he has passed up his birth weight. Now weighing in at 2 lbs 5.6 oz!! He is no longer receiving any breathing assistance and they are only monitoring his heart and oxygen. Everything is going wonderfully with him!

 May 23, 2015. 1 week old, first time momma got to hold him

June 4, 2015. Smiling for Nana! 

I'm still waiting patiently for my turn to hold him.

A fighter

My grandson Wyatt has made his appearance early. Born at 28 weeks, 2lbs 3oz and 14 inches long. Mommy and baby are both doing amazing!

The team

We have come together for a fight against this dragon my daughter carries in her breast. We are strong, we are bald (yes, even me), and we are ready for this journey. She will be held up by every ounce of strength we have. I will probably not post much here about her struggle but you can find the updates on Facebook by clicking the link.

Team Dragonslayer

Thank you all for your prayers! Please keep them coming.

The plan

It is now set in stone, although a curve ball can be thrown at anytime. Moving forward, Tasha will have a port put in on the 25th and begin chemo on the 27th. She will receive 4 treatments given every 3 weeks. They have stretched this out due to Wyatt. Wyatt will be born at 34 weeks. After his birth Tasha will start a different chemo given weekly for 12 weeks followed by a radical mastectomy. Now that plan is completely dependent on the cancers response to chemo. As long as it is responding we can stick to this plan. If not the order of the birth, weekly treatments, and mastectomy can change. 

Please keep the prayers coming!!

I have started a fundly account for Tasha. Please share it if you can!

Tasha the Dragon Slayer

Life keeps dealing shit

It just won't stop! I haven't written anything since November. Not that I haven't had anything to say but because I haven't felt the need to get things out of my head. Aaron is still being Aaron. I still believe he is using but have let it go for the most part. There are more pressing issues at hand now.

Last post my daughter had announced she got married. It didn't take long for the announcement to come that I will be a nana. I must say that I am super excited about this. She had some issues at the beginning of the pregnancy. Some minor spotting led to the discovery of a fibroid. It grew to 11cm but has now stopped growing. The risk of complications from it are low at this point. It's a BOY!!!! The focus remains on my daughter as she was diagnosed with breast cancer on Thursday. I don't understand how this can be happening. How does a 28 year old woman who is 19 weeks pregnant get a diagnoses of breast cancer? I'm at a complete loss. This kick in the chest has been harder than learning my son is an addict. Things are moving extremely fast. She had an ultrasound on her breast Tuesday. A biopsy Wednesday, a diagnoses on Thursday to an appointment with an oncologist on Friday. It has been a whirlwind. There are still test that haven't come back yet. We will find out more in the coming week. We ask for prayers for my daughter Tasha and my grandson Wyatt.

Baby Wyatt

A little diversion for me.

We all need a distraction from our life when it comes to our addicts. I have been very distracted for the last couple of hours. My distraction still brought me here so maybe I can get this anger that the distraction has caused out of my system. My daughter has never really caused us any problems. Not even during her teenage years. I'm always hearing mothers talk about how their teenage daughters cause them so much grief. We've never had that issue. Well there was that one time when she decided to smart off and I popped her in the mouth. So once! She's 28, has worked the same full time job for many years. Actually she has worked for me all this time. She started dating this guy in May. I'm not very fond of him but she is a grown woman and she doesn't live with me so I can't say anything about it. I've let her live her life. He has 4 kids that his mother has custody of. Babies momma lost custody and he wasn't ready to step up to the plate apparently. Hell that boy will never be ready to step up. He hasn't held a job. He got another job 2 weeks ago, he's already quit. The house they are renting has a lot of problems. The landlord took out the septic tank and never replaced it. Just left a hole in the ground among other things. They only paid half of Octobers rent. Told the landlord they weren't going to give him anymore money and that they would be out in 30 days. He gave them 7 to get out. They are now moving their stuff into storage. Oh and did I mention that when they moved into this house that babies momma moved in with them? Yeah, don't even get me started on that. My daughter was the only one working. OK I got started on it. My daughter has been on her own for several years now. She'd never been late with rent. I cosigned her car loan and not once felt the need to ask her if she was making her payments. She made the final payment a few months ago. How did they get behind on rent. I don't get it!! They are now basically homeless. They don't know where they are going to stay. They haven't asked me if they can stay here and I won't offer. Today my daughter comes in for her shift at 12, around 12:30 I'm heading out the door to get somethings done and she informs me that they got married this morning. DISTRACTION!!! When the fuck did my family become so dysfunctional?

And then, some more of the story.

I'll probably never be able to use Paul Harvey's line, "And now for the rest of the story". I don't think our story ever ends!
When I found Aaron had broke into the garage my husband was in Wyoming. I was here by myself to deal with putting my dog down and Aaron once again stealing from us alone. I chose not to call the police and I justify my choice with the excuse " I had to take my dog to the vet". Yes, I am completely aware that it was a complete cop out (no pun intended). I know what I should have done. I didn't do it. I couldn't do it. I thought I would be able to if I ever needed to but when it came right down to it, well. No sense in beating a dead horse now.
This was on a Tuesday and Saturday I sent Aaron a text asking about my husbands stuff. He was supposed to have gotten it out of pawn on Friday. He said he would bring as soon as he could. He came by a couple of hours later with seven fishing poles. I had company at the time so there wasn't any talking. A quick I love you before he left.

I didn't talk or text with Aaron again for a week when I sent him this text.

It's taken awhile but I'm finally ready to say my piece. I don't think you realize exactly what you have caused this time. You sent me texts asking about pappaw and in that conversation you find out about spirit and offered to dig the hole. When I went to get the shovel I find that you have broken into the garage. You know how the rest of our conversation went that day. As the day went on it became apparent that you only asked about pappaw to find out why I was home. Offering to dig the hole gave you an excuse to come back to the house to take some more. You had a hidden agenda during the whole conversation. It makes me feel extremely betrayed by you. Any conversations we have from this point on I will always question if you have ulterior motives. I feel that I'll never be able to tell you any plans I have for fear that you take our absence from the house as permission to steal again. You have hurt my heart before but this time you hurt my soul. You are once again heading down a dark path. It's one that we can't follow you on. As long as you are on this path we cannot and will not help you. We have stood behind you many times but right now we have to step back and let you find your way back. You know its only a matter of time before Morgan knows what is going on. You are fooling yourself thinking you have a good relationship with her. Considering what you are hiding from her right now. You are trying to build a relationship on your dishonesty. We also know you are not having money problems because you're paying your bills. Between the phone calls and knocks on our door from the people you owe, we know your not paying the bills. I hope you find your way back soon. And as always I love you.

This was Aaron's reply

I don't even really know what to say. But a lot of stuff your thinking is wrong. I'm sorry. Hopefully one day things will be back to normal. I called homecrafters today and I'm picking up the window tomorrow. I love you too.

I asked him to set me straight on what I was wrong on. I never received a reply.

To answer the question asked in the comments on my last post.... They steal from us because history has taught them we won't call the police. My opinion anyway!

And then...

I decided Tuesday morning it was time to let go of my little dog Spirit. She was 12 years old, completely blind, had a brain injury and just no longer seemed happy. I made an appointment for 10:30 at the vets office. Around 8:30 Aaron sent me a text asking about something so I told him what I had planned. He asked what time I was going and we planned that I would let him know when I was on my home and he would come out to the house and dig a hole for me to bury her. Since I didn't want Aaron in the garage I thought it was best to go ahead and get the shovel out before I left. On my way back through the garage I felt a strong breeze hit me. It was windy outside but I knew I shouldn't be feeling this breeze. I found a window broken. The glass on the inside. This window is two panes of glass. One pane is fixed, the other slides to the left to open. The one that was broke is the one that slides. The frame for the glass was also gone. I went outside to that side of the garage and found a 5 gallon bucket turned over right under the window. I also found a small pry bar laying on the ground. Taking a quick look around the garage I couldn't find anything missing but my husband is such a pack rat (hoarder) it would be hard to tell anyway. In a hurry because of the dog, I wedged a piece of plywood into the window and propped it up with a steel bar. At the very least I figured somebody could still get in but I would notice if the wood and bar were out of place. I went back outside to the window, used a black marker and wrote on the wood YOU'RE BUSTED. Aaron started calling me while I was in the vets office. I didn't answer. On my way home he sent a text that said he was sorry he didn't mean for the window to get broke. I replied back with what did you take. A few of my husbands fishing poles, he has pawned them. There's more to the story but that's it in a nutshell.

Where we stand

I am currently standing on the ground looking down a 100' well while Aaron stands at the bottom of it.

He quit his job with the coal mine contractor due to not working steady. Went back to landscaping. Has now quit landscaping and has gone to a company that has him back in the mines working steady. He has passed several drug tests. Even the random one they threw at him. All sounds great doesn't it? The calls keep coming from bill collectors. They were even coming to my house looking for him. They seemed to have trouble understanding the words, he doesn't live here, until I finally got shitty with them. All of his mail still comes to our house. He needs to change that. This morning, my husband brings me a piece of mail addressed to Aaron. It's from a pawn shop. He said he didn't know if I wanted to look at it or not. I didn't want to. I said I would think about it. So of course I opened it. Yes, I know that I shouldn't have but I had to see if it was something of ours that we haven't missed yet. He has pawned a rifle. I don't know who it belongs to but I know it's not ours and I know it's not Aarons. I can only believe that it is stolen. Aaron is a convicted felon. He cannot be in possession of a firearm. Even tho it is technically at a pawn shop he can still go to jail for possession of it.

I have been working really hard with the phrase "not my circus, not my monkeys". I say it often. Trying my best to stay out of it. It's extremely difficult to stay out of it when the monkey is my son.

Whoomp there it is!!

A bill, from an emergency room, in Pennsylvania. Aaron's next stop is St Louis, Missouri! New bill to come soon! Aaron has also not payed his truck payment in 3 months. That means he hasn't made one payment since he got it. Doesn't look like he is going to quite digging his hole anytime soon.

I've not had to much trouble letting it go but there is an issue I'm struggling with. So my wise peeps please give me your advise. Aaron has been staying with his girlfriend and her father for quite some time. I don't think they have a clue as to what is going on. Do I tell them? Do I tell Aaron he has a week to tell them or I will? OR, do I stay out of it and let him continue to dig his hole? My gut tells me to stay out of it. My heart tells me to tell her dad before (hopefully before) Aaron starts stealing from him.

Confidence fades away

Shortly after my last post and comment about being confident Aaron wasn't using, I discovered some things that changed my level of confidence greatly. Aaron traveled to Colorado recently for work. He went to a doctor in Colorado. Aaron traveled to Indiana for work. He went to a doctor in Indiana. Aaron traveled again to Indiana for work. He went to a doctor just across the state line in Illinois. Aaron has recently traveled to Pennsylvania for work. I'm expecting to see another bill from a doctor. Aaron is not paying his bills. He has taken out two small loans. He isn't paying those either! If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, well, it's not a bear! I told him what I know and what I think. He won't admit to anything of course. The locks have been changed. We are once again on the roller coaster. I should say he is on the roller coaster. I'm working hard to stay off of it this time. I am however still digging out from under the ton of bricks that fell on me!

Missing

From our home, one ring, one cross bow, one compound bow. Aaron denies the ring. Both bows are in a pawn shop. He says he's clean. I don't know what to feel today. Trying to hold it together!